As we approach the end of the year, and Christmas is just days away, many of us will be looking forward to spending time with loved ones, exchanging gifts or sharing other Christmas traditions with friends and family. Others will be looking forward to the summer holidays that follow, and a much needed rest from the pressures of work and school.
In reality though, this time of the year can be quite stressful for a variety of reasons. Some of us may feel that we are running out of time to complete work projects before the end of the year. Some of us will be anxiously anticipating the results of exams. Work pressure may feel even more intense because we are simultaneously trying to prepare for Christmas. Family routines will be in a state of flux because children are home from school while parents are still working. This is also a time when financial hardship can be more pronounced, and the stress of complying with the commercial expectations of the season can be overwhelming. It’s also true for some that the prospect of spending time with family members is anything but inviting, and that can bring up unresolved issues and tension too.
So how do we create balance for ourselves? How can we meet our need for connection and celebrate our sense of community without adding to our personal and financial worries?
“Samtoshad anuttamah sukha labdah.” – Yoga Sutra II 42. “By practicing contentment, supreme joy is gained.” In this sutra Patanjali offers a seemingly simple suggestion: practice being content and you will find boundless happiness! As one of the niyamas, or attitudes towards ourselves, samtosha (contentment), forms part of our yoga practice. Samtosha is the ability to be present, and happy, with the circumstances of this moment. Like all other aspects of our practice, we will discover that we have to work at acquiring this skill. Fortunately, if we choose to look, we will find many opportunities to practice samtosha, both on and off the mat.
Maybe the easiest place to start is on the mat, since our physical practice often brings us to a state of enquiry or contemplation, which can help us to open to new perspectives. The next time you find yourself struggling to go deeper into a pose, in spite of strong stretch sensation, or a loss of energetic alignment, see if you can come back to a place of relative comfort in the posture. Allow your breath to flow, and practice being content in this version of the pose. Notice your tendencies to go beyond your comfort level, and ask yourself if this need to go deeper is a kind of grasping. Can you find a balance between effort and surrender? Can you be here, happy that you are practicing ahimsa (non-violence) and aparigraha (non-greed)? At the end of your practice, when you are in a relaxation pose, be content with what you have achieved. Maybe you struggled with a posture that you normally manage easily, or perhaps you achieved perfect balance in a challenging pose. Let go of the efforts of your practice and be content in the knowledge that you have strengthened your connection with your self.
It’s tempting to forego rest, or skip your yoga or meditation practice, when you are under time pressure at work. Be realistic about what you can achieve though, and ask yourself if rushing to get things done will help you to be content with the outcome. Can you prioritise some things, whilst accepting that others may have to be dealt with after the break? Were the goals that you were working towards realistic? Did you clearly communicate with others about your total workload? Practicing samtosha in this situation can be a matter of being content with what you did achieve, or in knowing that you have learnt valuable lessons about your own limitations.
If you are awaiting the outcome of your exams, accept that you did the best you could, and let go of your efforts. You will either discover that your hard work paid off, or you will find that a different approach will serve you better in the future. Either way, you cannot change the results by worrying.
If you cannot afford to spend much money this Christmas, it may help you to focus on pleasant memories of previous family gatherings. What are your fondest recollections? Do you remember the material things you were given? For most of us the fact that we get to spend time with the people we are close to is what makes this time of year so special. If that is true for us, then it follows that it is true for our loved ones too. Can we be content in the knowledge that our presence is enough? Can we be generous with our care and attention? Our connection with others is not based on what we collectively acquire. We can give freely of our time and energy, knowing that the residue of these gifts will be positive for us as well as those we give to.
If you are anticipating difficult interactions with family members during the holiday season, the practice of samtosha will serve you well, although it may be especially challenging. One of my favourite teachers, Judith Lasater, offers the following words wisdom:
“Contentment is the willingness to accept the failure and success of this very minute. In order to do this we must become a wider container so that we can hold all of this moment. Contentment is letting go of greed, letting go of the desire to change anything, including one’s self. In order to be content one must embrace perfection and imperfection equally as part of the great panoramic of life. Most of the time, we just want ‘it’ to be different, whether that ‘it’ is one’s body, mind, relationship, job or an unpleasant task.”
Becoming a wider container allows us to hold all our feelings up to be acknowledged, without labelling any of them good or bad. This interpretation of contentment – containing the full spectrum of our emotions – allows us to see that contentment is more than happiness. It is the practice of unconditional acceptance, of ourselves, our life, and all the people who add colour and texture to the fabric of our life. The practice of samtosha allows us to accept that the people who challenge us most also help us to create the conditions for our greatest personal growth. We can be grateful for this whether we choose to spend time with them or not.
“This may be, in fact, the secret to life — simply be content with hard work or no work, riches or not, difficulty or ease. If one lives with samtosha as Patanjali suggests, then one can live in joy regardless of what happens next. What a delightful concept; what a delightful way to live.” ~Judith Lasater.
~ Lynda Miers-Henneveld